Saturday, September 20, 2003

New American casualties...

CENTCOM Briefing: 20:32, 09/18/03

General John Abizaid met with Journalists today to report on the latest American casualties in Iraq.

"I am sad to report that one Army corporal stubbed his toe and a female private cracked a fingernail while the two were on a routine ice-cream buying mission near Khalidiya. Apparently the two were ambushed by RPG-wielding supporters of the former regime. " - said the General. "The two were driving towards the Ice-cream stand on the outskirts of Khalidiya in their Humvee when the vehicle they were driving was blown to smithereens by an anti-tank mine. Luckily they both jumped out in the nick of time, and returned fire, killing 300 Saddam loyalists." - he continued.

When a Times reporter mentioned reports that the attack in question actually involved a large American convoy and reports indicated that up to 8 Americans had been slaughtered and dozens wounded in a well-planned assault, Abizaid, winking and grinning, replied coyly: "I have no such information".

The Times journalist pressed on, querying the General about reports that the ambush in question was actually nothing less than a protracted battle, with several American vehicles destroyed, and that medevac helicopters were unable to reach the wounded due to the extremely heavy enemy fire. Abizaid responded by ignoring the comments and asked the gentlemen from Fox News for his next question. Large, muscular MP's meanwhile proceeded to drag the Times correspondent into a back room for a personal debriefing.